The Mighty Meagan

evenmore lalas

2007-01-24T13:53:00.000-06:00

2007-01-24T13:40:00.000-06:00

lala

2007-01-24T13:19:00.000-06:00

Big Damn Heros, Sir

2006-06-12T18:42:00.000-05:00

I am once again lamenting the cancellation of Firefly and the subsequent single movie Serenity. If you haven't seen these - your just plain silly and you should.

Photos clepted from http://yahoo.movies.com

If you haven't

2006-05-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Read this blog you should. Back to front, beginning to end.

I cried.

The Wrong Kind of Laugh

2006-05-10T23:58:00.000-05:00

I was recently going through my burned photos and I found this odd little ditty that made me laugh in the wrong way. Just figured I share the wrongness.

I know, I know; It's wrong.

Canvas of Goodbyes

2006-05-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

If I had a million worthy words
That could fully justify the pain
And distress that leave-taking inflicts;

I would organize them most carefully,
To charcoal a night of pictures for you,
Depicting the sorrow of ages artistically.

I would then levitate the heavy canvases,
A crows' flight of pure melancholic emotion,
A holy bereavement for your lost beloved.

And you would find my words hospitable;
A soulful incarnation of your great sadness,
Amid the aridness of unmeant comments from

Those minglers defying gaiety at your souls funeral.
And they would never guess, that each word they utter,
With false sincerity, afflicts you with an overabundance of anguish.

2006-05-04T01:14:00.000-05:00

In Paducah, KY they have murals on their levee walls. It was way sweet to see.
Photo of the river that runs past Paducha, KY.
Barge traffic on the river in Paducha, KY.
Up close and personal shot of a mural on the walls of the levee in Paducha, KY.
Another picture of one of the murals.

More photos

2006-05-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

The KY Dam

This photo is of the stage built in one of the many hotels convention center meeting rooms. The 'bay' doors are not actually there, they are projections.

Skyline

2006-05-04T00:56:00.000-05:00

A very blurry downtown skyline photo as seen from the river on the General Jackson in Nashville, TN.

Photos

2006-05-04T00:49:00.000-05:00

Photos of the river from on the General Jackson in Nashville, TN.

So Very American

2006-05-02T20:54:00.000-05:00

An old gas station that I saw on the way to Nashville, TN. I love the flag, the powerlines and the Texaco sign. So - very American.

Successful Success

2006-05-02T19:24:00.000-05:00

What honesty have I failed to convey to myself that months must pass me by before I get the irritant itch to post again? What odd thoughts must pass before I realize that I have yet again shut the world out to foolishly concentrate on my 'personal' day-to-day life responsibilities, which seem to consume all my energy. I am unsure why I cannot seem to stick to anything with any regularity. Diets, and exercise, hard work and organization, friends and family (which are by far the most important of them all). I have excuses, I tell myself. Good ones!

Alas, my guilt overrides any such pitiful attempts to forgive myself. I wonder that I am such a glutton for self punishment; whether logical or not. I wonder also, if I can break myself of my habitual abysmal attitudes and for once allow myself a bit of innocent happiness.

Oddly, happiness doesn't come easy. As a child, I thought surely everyone was meant to find happiness. Everyone was deserving of happiness. Everyone was entitled - to happiness. As the (semi) adult that I am today, I find that happiness is not so easy to obtain. It is elusive and much like the perfect morning mist on a spring day, it never lasts. That is probably my pessimism speaking once again, since I have recently had such successful success in my career.

Successful success. I don't think I can put my first trip to a corporate affair any better than that.

On April 8 th through the 12 th, I went to Nashville, TN, for the 2006 corporate meetings and after-market product show. To say the least I was dazzled, amazed and a bit terrified. At first, I was so amazed that my boss invited me to go and also told me that everything would be paid for by the company. All I needed to take were clothes and some personal pocket money. Secondly, while I was there I was dazzled by the place in which we were staying. The Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center.

This place is a city unto itself, with bars, restaurants, spas, and waterfalls to boast of. Not to mention the full sized palm trees which grow inside the hotel itself underneath a sweet domed atrium. Inside this hotel there are thousands of rooms, on several floors. The room I stayed in was on the 5 th and we had an awesome view of a ground floor water fountain. I really can't say enough about this place or my experience there. You can check out their website here. While we were there we enjoyed an awesome ride on the General Jackson showboat. I was on the top level, watching everyone else drink while I tried to get the best pictures that I could get before night fell.

Thirdly, I was terrified because I was so completely out of my 'element'. I am not from the corporate world. I do not wear slacks, I wear jeans. I don't have blouses, I have shirts; and I am surely not used to eating a full 3 course meal with salad, main course and dessert - well at least not without spilling some of it on my 'shert'.

What else really can I say? It was an awesome experience, a sweet view of how the 'other half' lives. I felt completely out of place - except in the meetings. In there I shined. In there I was full of my usual 'piss 'n vinegar'. Fire and passion. Intelligence and curiosity. At first I was petrified to be myself and become involved in the discussions, but that soon waned. My usual self would not be contained by such a little thing as fear.

John Smith, our corporate franchise liaison, stopped by last Monday. Sean Williams, our General Manager brought him by the shop - at John's request. He sought me out and basically told me that I had impressed him at the corporate meetings in Nashville. He also said he was impressed that I had asked more intelligent questions than some shop managers who have been with the company for years. Then he turned to Bill, my shop manager, and asked him when he was going to send me to TAU. (TA University). TAU is the school where they send promising 'students' to learn how to manage a shop.

Shiny!

Bill just replied, 'We've thought about it'. I don't know what the future will bring, but if I am ever in need of a job, I am sure that John Smith could help me. He he. In any case, if Bill sends me I hope that he will actually let me implement the things I learned for I am finding it hard to affect change in the shop.

Well, I best round this out back to where I started. Happiness.

I remember when I wanted success, when I ached for it. Now, I've had a taste of it, and it isn't enough. And so, my happiness wanes. I am still not where I want to be in this world, but I am getting there. The harsh reality is: time. This journey takes time and my impatience is chomping at the bit. I am ready. I feel ready and I want the rewards that should follow from all this hard work. Don't get me wrong. I truly feel that I am getting there. I am becoming more 'open' with Mrs. Diane (human resources; book keeping) and Patty Anderson (store manager). I guess you could say they are taking me underneath their wings so to speak. 'Grooming' me for my management experience. It won't happen overnight, like I want it too, but, I feel, it will happen.

And so, a toast, to successful success.

With Love,
Meagan

Well, La De Da and a small Ho Hum

2006-03-22T00:44:00.000-06:00

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Good Morning Ladies, Gentlemen, and other folks that I may not have prior knowledge of. *I swear I will never admit it!!*

Ahem.

I am finding it difficult to just pick up wherever in this galaxy I had previously left off as it has been ages since my last post. For that I apologize. I have excuses abound, but I am sure that you are busy and really don't want to hear them. Plus, I just don't want to list them all. So there, take that.

I have found that life sure does go damn fast when you are not paying attention. In six more months I will be 25 years of age. It seems just like yesterday I was 24! I know, I know. Those of you that are older than I are probably thinking "Oh, to be 25 again!" But, honestly, I feel as if I have just blinked and my time here has been drastically shortened by yet another year passing me by.

Another year of dreaming of a life I fear I will never have. Yet another day wasted sleeping, eating, and working to pay the bills (just barely). So, I have yet one more 'eye opening' experience where I feel as if I don't get my ass in gear, I will have nothing to show for my years upon this earth.

Soon, I tell myself, I will go to school, start a business, buy a new car for my hubby and a truck and a new car for me, fix up the house, get organized, buy real estate and make myself rich, pray to God, tell my family that I love them, call Grandma, apologize to my sister Penny - for everything, go to New York and visit my brother, make amends, give to charities, loose more weight faster and keep it off, save for retirement, find money to invest, make a difference in someone else's life . . . . . sometimes, the list seems endless. Hell it is endless! Cripes, I wish I had started sooner. So much sooner. I wish...

But, if wishes were kisses I'd have gotten 'off' by now. (Some crude humor for ya) Yeah, so. .

I am sorry, I am not my normal jolly self today. My wit seems to have flown out the window. This is not what I meant to say, but I am fully meaning what I am trying to convey. Maybe it's just something I need to get off my chest; say aloud so that I may then act? I do not know, but please bear with me!

Where in school did they teach me that just 'having a job' will be all you need to get all you want. Or, rather, let me rephrase that; it was accepted that you could work 40hrs a week and actually have a life outside of work with money to get what you needed, and save for what you wanted. Was it in school? Where did I get this idea? Learn this .... life lesson? And where on all the earth did I find the idea that I should actually have free time to myself? When did I start thinking that a combined income of $40,000 would actually allow for EVERYTHING. Savings, retirement, day-to-day needs, etc. . . Where? And why do I still feel this way!!!??

Should I blame it on inflation, the government? The oil companies, gas prices? The area I live in, economy? 9-11 or the Iraqi war? The President? Jay Leno? The entire cast of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" - Who?

Must there be blame? Must there? Why do I feel as if there should be blame? Blame for too many opportunities or not enough?

I have some serious rage issues when it comes to this topic. Why must I work 40hrs + a week and still not have any savings!!!??? And, oh, believe me I have read budgeting books, and stretched myself to the point of pain to try and save. But always, always some emergency or another crops up and those meager savings are spent. Agreed, I feel that John and I have accomplished much this year, with the bathroom remodel and the new living room chairs -- a few other odds and ends that we needed. (washer/dryer) etc...

But honestly, if for some reason I could not work tomorrow - we would be crushed underneath the weight of bills. Missing a day of work for sickness KILLS my budget. You see, I don't have a cushy job where they have such a thing as sick pay. John does, and it helps, but he rarely gets sick. Though this year he did. Odd. Anyway. I am rambling.

I don't know. I just don't know. What am I looking for? Am I having a mid-twenties crises? Possibly mid-life if I don't start loosing more weight. Am I looking for meaning? I think, maybe that's possible. I mean I want all these things. More things, better things (if you saw my house, you'd know I need them. It's a dump. No seriously, it really is.) More money, a bank account with actual money in it for emergencies. A full retirement fund... I mean I feel shallow, worrying about money. Especially when I know there are probably millions of folks out there now who would kill for 1/2 of what I have.

Am I just lazy? Is it pure laziness on my part that I don't have the things I want/need etc? Am I stupid? Ignorant? I know part of me is pleading for an answer. The other part of me just wishes to remain as I am - to avoid complications and further responsibilities. Because without a doubt more money equals more responsibilities. And what then? Would I fail even if I had the education and resources?

Am I a failure?

Failed writer, failed professional, failed woman?

Failed life?

What makes a person think of these things? Why does my brain constantly question my - everything?

Does anyone else think these things? As I do? Pondering life's little stupidities at 2 am in the morning? Does anyone care?

Meh.

Depressing.

I am going to go watch Firefly to cheer me up. Smoke some cigarettes and eat a peanut butter cookie.

So, you see, this is how I got where I am.

Hoping for science advances in life watching science fiction. Killing myself with cigarettes and food. Escaping into someone else's brilliance.

. . .

How could you miss WW III? It's already over!

2005-10-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

Since we last spoke - we can call this speaking right? - I caught something incredibly amazing, so amazing in fact that I am certain you will be ecstatic for me. I caught - wait for it - a cold.

For some reason this cold seems to have impressed to me like a baby chick to its mother. It just will not leave me alone. Constantly bugging me. Always asking "Why this" and "Why that"; but more importantly this little cold decides I know the reason for all that is and all that ever was. I mean, it must believe I have something of value for it will not go away!

It is not that I do not have at least some affection for the poor lil' guy. I mean, I did get to have a 3 day 2 night vacation in Vapor Rub Heaven. (It's an absolutely beautiful suite, you should check it out sometime.) It's just that it is monumentally embarrassing to have a nose so numb that you cannot tell if snot is running out of it, or if it is just your imagination. Until, of course, you can feel the aforementioned snot on the top of your lip, taste said snot upon your lips and gag when said snot runs down your chin and drops upon your shirt. Then you simply die of mortification when your co-worker laughs so hard he has to make a run for the bathroom before he pees his pants.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this happened to me.

. . well.

OK.

So. . . yeah it happened to me.

You will notice though that God did not have mercy on my soul and let me die of mortification. No, he was cruel and let me live. Then he let the cold infect my chest. So, now, every time I speak, half of that time is spent coughing up 'Snots' big brother 'Mucus'. Mucus is not a kind-hearted type of guy. Quite irritating in fact. Mostly to the throat area, and for some reason he causes me to have difficulty breathing. Maybe in some far away solar system, mucus is quite good looking and that would, of course, explain my erratic breathing habits. In reality though, I think that mucus and my beloved menthol cigarettes have tag teamed my lungs behind my back. Tickets for the Pay Per View show go on sale Friday. (Some kind of Ultimate Fighting Championship, a title and belt are on the line folks. I know I wouldn't miss it for the world - well at least for a pair of lungs.)

I figured, since the cold infected me, I had better recruit some allies. WW III was happening inside my body and dammit, I wanted help! Allies are funny critters though, they never do or say what you think they will do or say. Weird.

Ally # 1. A small group of Sudafed, Kleenex and Vick's decided to come to my aid. I was armed, I was prepared, and I was ready to win this battle. Sudafed helped little, only allowing snot a 'run of the field' so to speak. Kleenex buckled under the pressure. I was completely unimpressed. Though, I will give Kleenex an 'A' for effort. I mean, really, he is just a bit of soft paper. What did I expect? Vick's was surprisingly resilient - but unsurprisingly, it's endurance ran out fast.

Ally #2. The dread Doctor. His assessment was incredibly insightful. He said, "You're Sick". Damn, that man is smart! After such a great start I assumed he would become tactically unstable and ply me with 3-4 prescriptions that would cost me a few arms. Well, an arm and a leg since I only have 2 arms to spare and the price was for 3. Err rm, at any rate, Ally #2 threw a curve ball at me and gave me samples instead. What a great man! Really!

Ally #3. Time, patience, and understanding. Oddly enough, after two weeks of misery, my immune system and her allies have won WW III and only a few rebels are left. (Mucus had some strong supporters.) I am pretty sure that patience was never to be found and neither was understanding. They went on some cruise or safari vacation, something like that, I think. Well, I hope they had a good time.

I didn't!

So, now that WW III is done and gone I can say that it was less cataclysmic than I expected.

Weird.

Well, this is Snot and Mucus -

Signing Off.

Your Basic Procrastinators Update

2005-09-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

Once again, I haven't been around. This is becoming a regular occurrence. :(

At work I had to prepare for our yearly QSC Inspection by our corporate Shop Specialist. It was hard work all around, by everyone in the shop. We did really well. Incredibly well. Brian, the Shop Specialist, said it was the absolute - by far - best inspection he had done this year. We got a 91.6%. Next year, I think we can do even better. :D

I was stuck in meetings all morning on Wednesday. 4 hours of meetings. 4 hours of going over the inspection material, findings, and action plans. 4 hours of meetings with the Overall General Manager, Kirk Williams - the General Manager, Sean Williams - Shop Manager, Bill Williams- the corporate Shop Specialist, Brian Lukavitch - and our corporate liaison John Smith. (cooky name, I know.) The Fuel Desk/Store manager joined us later - for lunch as well as the Head Human Resources and bookkeeping, Mr. Bill's wife, Diane.

I have a lot of work to do for next years inspection. And, guess what? In all the Inspection Reports, I was referred to as the "Lead TSA" (Lead Truck Service Adviser) Which was, to say the least quite a heady experience. Brian treated me as part of the management. It was as if some elite corporate door had finally opened up for me. They didn't treat me as some peon. They treated me as 'one of their own'.

I don't know, it was way weird. In some respects, I felt like I was back in high school, and some how, by some incredible feat of craziness, I had been aloud in the 'cool crowd'. I felt way out of my element. Many times I had to curb my tongue, as many of the comments I wanted to make pertaining to conversation seemed so damn uncouth.

I was the only 'regular employee' there. Not even the shop's shift managers were there. Which to say the least surprised me. It was surprising all around really.

I wonder what comes next.

Love and Hugs,

Meagan

Oh yeah -

Ricky,

The problem with Survey Scout for me is that I cannot treat it like a full time or part time job. I just don't have the time. I think if you could put in the time and effort that it requires, you can make some serious cash at it. The focus groups pay the most, so if I were you that is what I would concentrate on. The only HUGE disadvantage I see about filling out surveys, is that you tend to get a lot of junk mail. If you do it, I suggest opening a free hotmail/yahoo/gmail etc.. account just for your survey business. That way, it won't all get mixed up with your regular correspondence. I don't know if it would be right for you or not, I know that I just didn't have the patience required to keep up with it since I had so many other things going on in my life. I think, if someone is serious about it, works at it, then yeah, it can and does work.

I've had more luck w/ Referralware and Juvio, but it has taken a LOT of time, effort, and investment. Honestly, I don't know that I can keep up the investment part of it much longer. I may have to cut it down over the next few months as I try to pay off some other bills and organize my life. That's the problem with being an internet marketer, you gotta buy advertising. So that's another plus for doing the surveys. You don't have to spend any money besides the initial fee.

Without having the time to really put the effort into succeeding at it, I can't really give you a good positive view on it. There are pros, and there are cons. I hate to say it, but if you really wanna know, you will just have to take the risk to find out if it is right for you. I am sorry that I cannot give you anything more concrete. If you do try it out, let me know how it goes for you?

Dani,

I don't know if you are interested but.... I found this contest, and it reminded me of you.

The Doris Bakwin Award for Gutsy & Talented Women Writers
Postmark Deadline: December 1
Carolina Wren Press seeks submissions of long fiction (novel or short story collection) or memoir.
Prize: $2,000 plus publication.
Final Judge: Quinn Dalton.
Submit a manuscript of 150-400 pages with a $15 entry fee, payable to Carolina Wren Press. Seeking diverse voices.
For full guidelines send SASE or visit www.carolinawrenpress.org. Mail your entry to Carolina Wren Press, Attn: Doris Bakwin Award, 120 Morris Street, Durham, NC 27701.

The Silent Shall Speak

2005-08-31T08:09:00.000-05:00

I've been gone for a while and I apologize for it. I know that Dani and Ricky have both expressed concern that I have been MIA for way too long. I thank you both for thinking about me. I would kiss and hug ya both if I could, but I don't want to get my comp screen all icky. Yuck.

You know, life is a trying experience sometimes; everything will go well for you all at once, then plow into you with a yield ahead sign and stop your forward motion.

Of course, with every action, you get an equal and opposite reaction so...

I was depressed after the wreck for a bit, but that really didn't last. Work has been crazy busy lately, so I really didn't have time for the pity party that I wanted to go to. *poor me, sigh*

I've finally been working for Beto Jct Ta for a year now. It doesn't seem like a year, but on the other hand, it seems like forever. Odd and contradictory I know, but those are my perceptions.

Earlier this week, Bob, my supervisor, asked me a question that threw me off guard; "Would you take an Assistant Managers position if it was offered to you?" Well, duh. Yes. I mean, there would be a lot more work involved, but hopefully there would be more money involved too. Even if there was not more money involved, I think I would still take it. Just for the fact that it would look extremely well on my resume; "Assistant Shop Manager". Kinda gives me the 'willies', though.

Then, Monday morning, Mr. Bill, the shop manager, called Bob and I to his office upstairs. We went over just basic safety issues and things to mention at the bi-weekly shop meeting. We also went over personnel issues, which normally, I am not privy too. At the beginning of the meeting, Mr. Bill said to me "I only see you going up from where you are now."

In reality, I am not sure whether or not to get excited about this. There had been talk about having me be a shift supervisor, like Bob. But, that never panned out, much to my dismay. So, I wonder if this will turn out like 'that'. All hype and no action? Who knows?

Oddly, even though this promotion would be bigger than the other one offered, I feel more confident about this one actually happening. I doubted the other one, and obviously for good reason as it didn't pan out.

So, I wonder if this is the good that comes after the bad? Or is this just a prelude to a chain reaction of more 'bad'. That would blow. *heh*

In other news; my house is a mess and I have about two weeks worth of laundry to do. At the moment I am kinda hungry. In the entertainment area, John finally convinced me to get satellite TV. Ahhhhh, the Sci Fi channel. How I've missed you! Let me count the ways.... *heh* It's wonderful to finally get rid of that damn useless antenna. In any case, it almost feels like we are finally entering the lower part of middle class now. Which is just plain weird. In home business news, I have to admit that I have sorely neglected it, but despite my inattention, it has continued to grow. I estimate that I have spent maybe 10 hours working on it this month, but I still got an upgrade. Which is great.

So, where do we go from here?

Hopefully, I will get myself organized now. I have six days off this week. Yes, I took some vacation. I figured I would need to do it now, before the busy winter season sets in. Plus I wanted the time to organize the house, my business, and just to take some personal time to think, write, and hopefully catch up with friends. Which I have sorely missed.

So hugs to you all and I'll fore go giving any of you any wet sloppy kisses.

Aren't you all so blessed?

Till the morrow,
Meagan

Yeild Ahead

2005-08-03T13:58:00.000-05:00

Yeild Ahead.

Or so the sign says.

Of course, we all know that I rarely pay attention to rules.

So, like any stupid rebellious teenager with a grudge, I hit the sign with my car.

I did break one of those wooden posts off of the sign, which is good. But the sign also decided that it didn't like me anymore and so did about $1,500.00 in damage to the passenger side of my car.

No, I did not fall asleep at the wheel, which makes this accident even more embarrassing.

So, last Tuesday, I had to call my insurance company, call the police, and just today, I finished setting up an appointment for an insurance adjuster to come and access the damage.

Boy, wrecking a car takes a lot of work!

Well, I am kinda peeved about it all. I have lost most of my trade in value on the car having wrecked it. (not that it had much to begin with) And I cannot decide if I want to fix the damage, or just use what money I get to help pay off the car. I have $5,000 left on my loan, roughly, so I think I will just fix it.

1999 Plymouth Breeze, and I still owe on it. Agrhhh! It is amazing how upsidedown I am financially with this vechicle. Kelly Blue Book, prices my car for trade in value at only $1,290.00.

Garg.

It makes my head hurt. I am basically screwed either way I go.

Ok, I am going to sulk for a bit.

Until Later,
Meagan

7.15.05 Do It Yourself - McMenu!

2005-07-15T01:30:00.000-05:00

I have been surfing like crazy since I got broadband.

There are so many weird things on the web these days. Cool, but weird.

So, I was searching "do it yourself" when I came across this link.

You will need Adobe Acrobat to view it.

Yup a 'do-it-yourself' McDonald's menu of the olden days.

Creepy. Weird. But, yet oddly, still cool.

I might even try a few.

7.14.05 Finally!

2005-07-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

Proactive support for renewable energy! Isn't this so cool!

Solar Powered Airplane

Check it out, this is awesome.

7.14.05 Pee Pants Now

2005-07-14T14:12:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's wrong, I admit that.

But dammit, it isn't often that I laugh so hard I literally pee myself and cry at the same time. (Yes, usually it's one or the other, never both at once.)

So, after changing my underpants and soaking the already soaked ones, here is the link to the wrongest, funniest thingymablober ever.

Enjoy!

Pee Your Pants Now

P.S. You may wish to go put on your Depends first!

Mistreating Missy Molar

2005-07-09T14:43:00.000-05:00

Well, oddly enough folks, the missing molar pained me so much yesterday that I came home from work early. When I finally arrived back at the homestead I took off my bra, took off my shoes, then took four ibuprofen and went to bed. (All in that order. Yes.)

Last night I worried that I had dry socket. Not a good thing, but I am feeling much better this afternoon (after sleeping about ten hours). The swelling has receded to almost normal levels and I no longer look like an alien with a marble in it's mouth. (Tip: These aliens are commonly mistaken as Southern American Hicks with a smokeless tobacco habit.)

Now, contrary to popular belief this is a good thing. I know I could have won the Ms. Multi-verse Contest, but I decided to fore go that rare and wonderful honor in exchange for mediocrity. (I know, I know, I was a bit skewed in my thinking, but the odd gut-twisting throbbing in my gums was somehow blocking the synapses in my brain from connecting; which in turn ruined my ability for any coherent cognitive activities.)

I do think the reason my missing molar pained me so was because Ricky didn't mark the package as 'fragile'. Which means that the Postal Service has been mistreating my mis-marked molar. Another, but unlikely theory is: I have a huge hole in my mouth, forcibly created, and that is bound to hurt. (Personally, I believe it is the former. Call me silly, but it's the most logical of the two.)

On another note: I'd like to say that Dark Maiden and Ricky D have been belting out some great stories lately. If you all haven't checked them out, I urge you to do so. Great, great writing you two.

Oh, and a quick update about the Satellite Internet Installation: I have it, baby! It is soooo much faster than dial up! I have observed though, that I am already at that point where I cannot imagine functioning without it. I cannot imagine how I functioned without it for so long. God Bless Broadband!

*Cheesy Grin*

Laters!

P.S. The hub on this thing has very pretty blue lights. Just thought that I would let you all know of that very cool and pertinent feature.

07.0705 The Mystery of the Missing Molar

2005-07-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

Oh, My Dearest Friends,

Lament with me as I mourn for my Missing Molar.

Wednesday morning, at 9:30 a.m., my right molar in the second position on the bottom of my mouth has since been reported missing by knowledgeable authorities - namely myself. I figure it might have gone missing when I was sitting in the Dentist's Chair, but I could be wrong as I was pleasantly loopy by prescription drugs at the time. Bless the man!

So, yep, yet another tooth is gone from my mouth, leaving one more gaping hole to heal. (Which incidentally is paining me quite a bit right this second.) My jaw is a swollen at the moment, and I am currently finding it a bit difficult to eat and speak, but I am just happy that the nerve is no longer exposed!

I also received a cavity filling on the first molar on the right side on the bottom of my mouth at the same time. Yippee. On the 27th, I go back to get the cavities on the bottom left molars filled. Then, I have no more worries for the bottom part of my mouth, just the top. Which probably has about 10 fillings needed - and two crowns I think. *sigh*

I can't wait to get this all over with. I am tired of having mouth pain!

Anyway, on to more pleasant things.

Good things are happening at work. All of us in the shop are receiving a free steak dinner for having the most profitable month to date. $129,000+ was earned, I do believe. Also, Mr. Bill, my boss, is once again contemplating giving me more duties. I am hoping that this results in a raise, I sure could use it!

On the business front; I seem to have lost a bit of momentum, but my traffic is once again picking up since I am back on the computer plucking away at those keys. (You see Ricky, I am joining you in your quest for the buff computer arms. I think it is working!*Flexes Fingers Frighteningly*)

On the writing front: I wrote a small (very small) erotic/pornographic fantasy yesterday evening. I won't post it here, since I have this lovely pg-13 thing going on - but - if any of you are interested in reading, I will send it to you via e-mail. I think I might polish it up tonight a bit.

On the friend front: Beth had her baby Wednesday morning at 5:30 a.m. A beautiful baby boy. I am so jealous; it's wonderful. I am incredibly happy for her. So, I wish him luck in his life. (I would let you all know his name, but I am not sure how to spell it. I will find out and get back with you all!)

Also, I'd like to get a bit more serious and send my well wishes and support to those that were hurt in the London Terrorist Subway/Bus Bombing recently. It simply amazes me that 'these people' just won't let everyone live their lives in peace. I hope that the families of the deceased, the injured and the families of the injured all find comfort and justice.

Well, this is a bit odd I think, as I have commented on birth and death today. Just goes to show that life will carry on no matter the atrocities that others commit.

Well, this is Meagan, signing off.

P.S. If anyone happens to find my molar, could you please return it? I miss it so.

6.30.05 Good Gracious

2005-06-29T23:20:00.000-05:00

Howdy folks!

You'd think that I could get through a two week span of time without having a computer crises. Alas, it is not so.

My computer flipped out and I couldn't even get on the internet. John was kind enough to hook up the 10 year old dinosaur, so I could at least check my e-mail; which took hours to complete.

Ugh.

Heck, I am just happy that ole dino decided to be a trooper and actually let me do what absolutely 'needed' to be done.

We took the flipped out computer to the 'shop'. After a week of waiting we were able to pick it up and bring the baby home. Guess what? It didn't work. Still no internet access. So I recently took it to an IT friend at work. We will see what comes of that. Honestly, I don't know that I really want to fool with it anymore. She's just become quite the headache.

Besides, we took precautions and bought a new motherboard and other accessories needed to build ourselves a new one.

We are now the proud owners of a brand new computer. Wooot!!! It is so fast compared to both of the old ones. I swear, if it were possible to be in love with an inanimate object, the new computer and I would be on our way to Vegas for a cheap and tawdry wedding that would most likely involve organ music played over a tape recorder and a sixty year old blue haired woman with fake D cups as a witness.

We found ourselves spending about $400.00 to build this new computer, which is way cheaper than one you could traditionally buy from Dell, Gateway, or other computer retailers. (Of course, an Apple is generally going to cost you way more, because their quality is so outstanding. I wish I could afford one.) In any case, I am happy with the new computer and soon will be happier yet with broadband.

Yes, Dani, you heard right. :D

I will be the proud customer of Direcway satellite internet service.

Woooohooooo! *dances around wildly*

I will be able to surf at speeds exceeding 500 - 600 Kbps. Compared to my lousy dial-up service which is at speeds varying from 28 - 32 Kbps. It will be installed on Friday, July 8th. I cannot tell you how incredibly excited I am!!!! I have waited and waited for faster internet service, but before now I have not been able to afford it. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the time has come! Broadband enjoyment is at hand! Woooooooo!

So, here's the low down on the new computer: We bought most things needed to build this system from: http://www.ikonpc.com I highly suggest this website as we had an extremely good experience buying from here.

It's been a crazy month for me, but things seem to be looking up. New computer, new broadband. All I need now is a bigger customer base in the business. Heh!

Well, that's it for me this morning. I am off to take John lunch at work.

Love and hugs,
Meagan

6.21.05

2005-06-21T01:09:00.000-05:00

Good Morning,

I'd like to address a comment that Dark Maiden (Dani) has made on the previous post "The Certainties of Confusion".

Without further ado, I shall begin.

It is one thing to constantly tell myself that "Yes, I will succeed", it is quite another when a friend tells me that I am already succeeding.

I cannot express to you, Dani, how much that comment means to me. Thank you is not enough but, for now, it will have to do. =)

Yes, back in the PN days, I was quite lost. For those of you that do not know what PN stands for: PN or Poetic Nuances was a poetry group on MSN. It is where I met Dani on the Internet. -Side note: A group is a forum of people who gather in a community to discuss like interests. End side note.- I wasn't even sure what I wanted in my life, let alone what I needed. Over the past two years (has it been that long!) I suppose you could say, I found the will to really live my life, as opposed to just existing in it.

Now I feel I have found the drive to create something wonderful of my very own. (Something profitable as well!) Yes, I know that I have created works of my own. My stories, my poetry, and yes I would love to have them published. For me though, that is in the far future, after college. Right now what I need is to concentrate on having a stable financial future, which is no small thing. Making $8.00 an hour is just not cutting it. I am 23 years old, 24 in September, and I have no savings, no investments, no retirement funds; I do not even belong to a 401(k) Plan! So, I needed to find a solution to this problem.

I asked myself, what do successful people have in common? 1. Either they are well educated and work high up in a company for someone else. Or 2. They work for themselves, either owning their own business or subcontracting their talents to other businesses for a price. Of course, I am sure there are many more similarities, but those were what was most important to my situation.

So, the decision to create this business was not made lightly. I knew it would take up most of my spare time and ALL of my spare money, which was never in a huge supply in the first place. But, I did it.

The sense of accomplishment is a heady mixture of pride and fear.

Almost like the time you make your very first from-scratch pie crust. You follow the directions, measuring out the ingredients and mixing them well, then flour your hard surface so you can roll it out to perfection, insert it into the pie plate, then you put on your finishing touches of a pretty crust design. But, you really don't know if you've done it right until the finished product is cooling on the baking rack and you slice out that first piece, still a bit warm, and serve it a-la-mode with a bit of vanilla ice cream.

When the flaky perfection of it melts in your mouth, a certain amount of pride for a job well done settles in the pit of your being; but, the fear is still there. Will you be able to duplicate your efforts to produce such sublime results again? Then you begin to plague yourself with worry and doubt. Was it just beginners luck? Or were your results derived from skill and following direction?

It's those little doubts and worries that I am trying to combat. I know that if I do not address them, they will fester and destroy my efforts without remorse.

I know using pie crust construction is not an extremely good analogy, (unless you bake for a living) because failing to bake a pie crust seems so miniscule compared to failing in a business. The consequences of failure with your pie crust are so much smaller, as you have invested much less time and money; in a business, everything rides on success or failure and you have so much more to loose. Unfortunately, with a business, it is hard to find a good recipe to follow. The correct mixture of your time, (which is invaluable as you can never get it back) your capital investment, and all the emotional effort it takes to really build something substantial are crucial to the end result. Just like the ingredients to the aforementioned pie, your results are based on how you mix them together. Missing a step may not seem detrimental at the time, but your finished product will tell the tale.

So, is any one hungry yet?

I suppose the point of this long reply is to let you all know that this is NOT an easy undertaking. Any Jonny Doe can start a business, but only those who have what it takes will have a business that is successful. I think success is achievable. I had the desire, all I needed was the drive. I have that now and to hear from Dani that she is already seeing success in me and my endeavors. . . . Well, let us just say I think my ego needs deflating.

Once again, thank you Dani.

Until the morrow,
Meagan

6.14.05 The Certainties of Confusion

2005-06-14T06:45:00.000-05:00

The Certainties of Confusion
by Meagan Blanchard

Abandon it,
Abolish me.
Confuse the monster,
Clear the sea.

Everlasting are the lies,
Engulfing are the effects.
Gasping for air,
Galloping forever.

It's there, following me.
Igniting old flames.

Killing all
Knowledge of
Myself.

Mingling with
Others.
Opening up to
Questions concerning the
Quite.
Standing Alone.

Seemingly Forever,
Under a tree.
Unpredictable
Wants
Wallow in my brain.
"You were mine!" I
Yell out loud.

6.09.05

2005-06-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting here in my little black camisole and my new pair of Levis, barefooted and no bra. And I tell ya, things couldn't be better. Isn't it just wonderful to have a bit of time to sit back, relax and chair-dance to a few great tunes? *What a great mental picture, eh? LOL*

So, as I've said things have been crazy lately. The doctors ordered Mom to not work anymore split shifts, found out that her B vitamin complex (B, B6, B12) was incredibly low (She has to go and get monthly shots now) and she recently went through a Nuclear Stress Test on the treadmill. So far they think her heart is perfectly fine. They actually took her OFF her blood pressure medication, as it was causing her blood pressure to be too low. So, obviously I think that things are looking up for her in the health department. I mean that's good isn't it? Her blood pressure is normal, and she hasn't been that healthy since she was in her 20's! Mom isn't really sure how to take it and neither is her body, I believe. She is so used to being unhealthy, that actually being healthy is odd to her.

Since they ordered Mom to only work one shift all week long, I have now taken Mom's shifts (sorta) and she has taken mine. In order to do this we both had to work 4 days a week, 10 hrs a day. So, I now work - Saturday through Monday mornings M-10am, and Tuesday morning 10am-8pm. Icky. But, hey 3 days off!

Things have been going well on the business front. At the JOB, I think I may just get a promotion, and in my home business I have just recently been able to afford a new advertising package that has already shown some great results and feedback; it really has promise. I will try to keep you all up-to-date, now that my schedules have died down back to semi-normalish.

On the writing front, I think I may just get the chance to do a few things for the Waverly branch of the Burlington paper! Exciting huh? I know I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on and I am unsure what exactly I will submit to them as my first article for review. This all came about because Mom's new boyfriend (who I actually like!) had a date with her and they were talking about me. (Nice to know I am so popular! Heh!) Anyway, he was talking about his brother who is part owner and editor of the Yates Center paper and his sister ( I think) owns the Waverly branch of the Burlington paper. Anyway, Mom told him about some of my poems and short stories, then he recommended to Mom that I submit something to the Waverly paper and see where it takes me. Hey, I've got nothing to loose! (Except of course, for my pride which I never had much of anyway. Really.) Since he knows the owner, at least I know it will be looked at, which to say the least is more than is happening for me now.

I cracked a joke to Mom that if I was going to be writing for the paper I would need a really great pen name to write under. I suggested Kitty Scoop, which she thought was funny but just down right wrong. I kinda liked it, dammit! (Ha!) Seriously. No, really, I am not kidding. Ok. Fine. Laugh if you want to, but I liked it! Seriously, if you don't stop laughing my feelings will be hurt. See, now you've made me cry. How do you feel now, huh? Feel good to make poor Kitty Scoop cry? Feel all big and bad and James Dean-ish? Bully, Sadist! Ha! How did you like that one! Even Kitties can growl. See, grrrmeow. Well, I tried! Really, really hard!

So, that's the update for now, but like Darth Vader, I have a son that no one really knows is my son; who I will try to turn over to the dark side.

Errr. Ok, well, not really. But, like Darth Vader, evil really never dies.

Oh, wait, yeah he did die. Damn, well, who ever heard of the good side winning!? Plot twist, who have thought it?

Surely not me, indeed.

Cheers!

Meagan

5.22.05 Happy Birthday!!

2005-05-22T12:28:00.000-05:00

I'd like to wish my brother Jeremy, a very happy birthday!!! Happy Birthday, Bro! May your life be blessed with all that you wish for.

I miss you

Meagan

5.20.05 Stir-Fried Thoughts

2005-05-20T15:23:00.000-05:00

Copyright 2003
by Meagan Blanchard

I have lied to myself more than
Anyone else has in my life.
Those little white lies, told to the heart
From the brain in my head,
Whispered words that are
So asinine, so inanely foolish;
As they cut all my confidence
Into easily consumed slices of apple.
I have this apathy now, for all things,
In general, I just care less and less; numb.
The boredom of my days and nights,
Turns my heart from perfect blue to red;
Bleeding endlessly, a great catastrophe.
Laughing at myself now, because all
My many words are on a child's bicycle
Heading nowhere, helping me not at all.
My personal calling, that will never be heard.
The frustration I feel as my life fits neatly
Into this nutshell; kept there by
Knots of love and luxury,
Sin and trust, creating a disguised haven;
That is really a perilous prison,
Where inside my mind I scream of
Unanswered issues to God or
To some divinity unknown.
It all lacks justification, as I am
Trussed up like a scandalous doll,
Ever diligent in my appearance;
Just following the example of those before me.
A creature of habit, and easy paths.
While my friends are my foes,
And fiends become treasured confidants;
My fears become elephants blocking
My quest for valor; killing me, simply.
Easily... Like insatiable goats eating all my emotions.
Restorative for them, death sentence for me.
But, I lack the gumption to raise my voice an
Octave and plead for them to stop,
Because they are so handsome in their igloos,
Little imps rambunctiously yakking
Zipping and jumping to and fro;
Distracting me with their overzealousness.
So that when they place me on the hot wok,
I am stir-fried without protest and my screams
Become liken to the Doormouse music,
All bass and drums with a hardcore techno beat
Rhythmic, and surprisingly complex.
And all I can think as I sizzle and wonder is
How does this sound issue forth from my mouth.

5.17.05 Quite The Scare

2005-05-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

It was supposed to be a good week right? Even though on the 12th I had my wisdom tooth removed. Remember those posts?

It actually went quite well, though afterward it was a bit painful. Friday I only worked 4hrs because I made the mistake of eating; Mom worked the rest of the day for me, bless her. So, this coming up check will be a bit short. (Sigh)

I had Gram over for the weekend. It reminded me of old times, when I was little, Gram would come over and stay the weekend; it was full of shopping, eating, and just good fun. I missed her. Hard to believe she will be 75 this June 1st. Time sure does fly.

Monday went well, though I guess it only went well until Mom came into work at 8am. Only this time it wasn't bad because of petty differences. She wasn't feeling well. Her legs were swelling, she said. Her body hurt. (She has fibromyalgia. *no idea how to spell that*)

Then she confessed that she was having chest pains. I felt like freaking out. Why didn't she go directly to the doctor, I asked. She said she had called, made an appointment for this Friday. But, she hadn't told them about her chest pains. I wanted to rage at her. Dammit, she's the only Mother I have! There's no replacement to be had at the local department store, no upgradeable robot Mom to be bought for $1,999.99! She needs to take care of herself!

So, Bob - a mechanic we work with and part of the management there - and I, persuaded Mom to take the morning off and go see the doctor. Just show up, we told her; I would stay and cover her shift, no problem. So, she went. Except the doctor's office said she should go to the emergency room. Mom said she didn't want too. I am a bit fuzzy on what really happened, not sure if she actually saw the doctor and he put her in the hospital or if she just went and checked herself in. I do know that she ended up there and that they ran some tests to find out if she had suffered a heart attack. They also checked her blood sugar to make sure she didn't have the onset of diabetes. She called me from the hospital to let me know and to tell me not to worry. It was nothing major she said. Just some tests. (I felt a little freaked anyway. My Mother is like a best friend to me. I don't know what I would do without her.)

So, I worked from Midnight 'till Noon thirty. 12 and 1/2 hr day. Then I came home, picked up John and we went to tell Gram that Mom was in the hospital. Gram took it well. She stayed at Mom's house, she said she'd clean house, and that would be a nice thing for Mom to come home to. She thanked me for coming all the way out there to tell her in person. (Honestly, I didn't think she'd hear the phone if I called or pick up the phone if she did hear it. And, I thought she might want to come stay with me, so she wouldn't be alone.)

Then I made the drive back home and took part in a business call that lasted over an hour and a half. I finally got to sleep around 5:30. Then back to work on Tuesday. I called the hospital and spoke to Mom, Tuesday morning. They found her heart to be fine. And they say she is *borderline* diabetic. They think the chest pains were stress related. (I hope I was not compounding that problem by having that argument with her last week.)

So, she just needs to watch her sugar intake and take it easy for a couple of days. I am extremely relieved that there is nothing seriously wrong.

I bought her flowers Tuesday morning but, by the time I had arrived at the hospital, she had already checked out. They are sitting on my dining room table. She scared me, and I hate that.

I bought her flowers. It was a nice sentiment, I guess.

5.11.05 Lost and Found

2005-05-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

Monday, I had it together; Tuesday, I had it together; Today, I lost it somewhere in between the argument with my mother and the dishwasher breaking. To top it all off, I have a huge pimple on the tip, tippity top of my nose. It looks like a volcano about to erupt with a dalop of whipped cream on top. I popped it when I got home. It hurt so bad it made me leak tears. Ugh.

The week started off ok, work was busy which makes the nights go faster. Always a plus. Mom came to work on Monday morning and things were good, until the man showed up. His name is Gary. But, not the Gary that she had previously dated. This Gary, her and I had met just once before. He was in the shop for some new tires for his truck. Ok, fine. No problem. But the drawback was, he smelled. Obviously hadn't showered in a few days. Quite rank, to tell the truth. This happens often with Truck Drivers. I understand that. I know that they aren't making money unless they are rollin' down the road. But, come on! If I can smell you on the other side of the counter; you need to shower! This man is pushy. Chatty. And generally a pain in the ass. I usually hate generalizations, generally, but that is the best way I can describe him.

At least this time he had the smarts to take a shower first. He's hittin' on Mom, which is not a new thing to me; she's a pretty lady, single, and she works in a shop around a whole bunch of men. No big deal. But then, he tries to engague me in conversation by asking me: "So, is your husband still in love with you?"

What the fuck?!!! What kind of person asks you that question when you barely know them? I can understand: 'What's your husband like? What's he do for a livin'? How long you been married? What movies do ya like? Are you interested in books? What are your hobbies?' But, to come right out and ask if my husband was still in love with me! How incredibly rude! I thought: ok, who the fuck is this guy! What gives him the right to ask about my personal life without even knowing me!

So, I just raise my eyebrows at him and say: None of your business thanks very much, and I'd appreciate you not asking again.

He was a bit stunned, as if he hadn't expected me to get pissy at him for such a simple yes or no question. But, I couldn't help myself. There was just something about him that ticked me off. He gave me the creeps and made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't want him knowing about my personal life, it was none of his business.

Plus, the man had like "C" cup man-boobs, and not 'flabby man boobs'. . . . these things were like 19 year old perky girl - gravity defying - man boobs. Totally unnatural. It was weird and he was creepy. I didn't like him. Plus, I hated being jealous of his perfectly proportioned boobs. It's just wrong to be jealous of man-boobs. Wrong.

So, I am running around getting my things together to go home and Mom and Gary are just chatting up a storm. I didn't understand how she could feel comfortable around him. (Shudders) Ick. Anyway, as I am leaving I get this vibe from him. He looks at me, and the look so says: You know, you could so be on the side of the highway dead right now. I look at Mom and hightail it out of there.

I come back to work on Tuesday. It was a good day. Until Mom comes to work that morning. She had dinner Monday night with Creepy Perky-Man Boobs Gary. I shrugged it off, and made fun of him. I pointed out his crazy big perky man boobs to her. I said they were unnatural. I laughed as I made a crack about her finding her death by smothering-hairy-man-boobs. It was funny, she was laughing so hard she had to pee. It was an okay time, but really I was peeved that she would leave Grandma home for an evening when she spent the time and money last weekend to pick her up. But, again I shrugged it off. I kinda felt bad about making fun of him. I am not normally that way. I mean what if he had testicular cancer and took hormones? That could cause an unnatural growth of his boobs. Still....

Then, Gary showed up again Tuesday morning to talk with Mom. Totally creepy bad vibes again. Ugh. I so don't like this guy.

Wednesday I go to work. Mom's phone boyfriend who lives in Arizona calls. He asks me where she's been as he hadn't heard from her in a couple days. He is worried. Has she found a boyfriend, he asks. Has she been out with someone?

I lie.

I say I don't know.

I hated that. Especially since I don't even like this New Creepy Gary. But, I don't know if Mom wants Bill to know that she went out with someone else. She hadn't yet cleared it with me. If she wanted me to lie for her, I would, in a heartbeat. But, I just didn't know. So, I lied.

Mom calls me at 4 a.m. Turns out she had spoken to Bill before talking to me. (I had told her he called) She says she told him everything. I felt doubly bad for lying. I mean, Bill is a nice guy. I felt rotten; I lied and didn't even need too. Grrr.

Mom continues to talk. Her and Gary went out again Tuesday night. (Yes, she left Gram home alone again!) I was pissed. Livid. Lit.

I ask if she asked about his boobs. She did.

They are implants.

Yes. Implants.

Mom said he wanted to get into touch more with his femine side.

Oh My God. Plant flowers, knit, cross-stitch. Don't get implants!

Turns out he is bi-sexual. Ok. That's fine. I am a normally open minded person. I know this really great guy, he is gay. I have no problem with that. But, implants! Even on some other guy, I don't think it would bother me, but he seemed so unbalanced. Off his rocker. Crazy.

Mom thinks he is a nice and very intelligent man. Ok, well geniuses can be mass murders too!

So, I'm mad at Mom. For leaving Gram home alone two nights in a row and for making me worry about her. He could be crazy. She doesn't know him! Ughhhhh!

Then I get home and the dishwasher broke.

Then I popped my pimple and cried on John's shoulder.

Well, I'm gonna have supper now.

Caio

05.09.05 My Businesses

2005-05-09T21:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I promised details about my on-line business. Which actually is kind of difficult to explain so bear with me here.

Free Store Club:
Here is my store front. Here is how to get one for yourself, free.
--Some background info on this offer: Free Store Club is basically what the title of the company says; you can join a club of free store owners. They also give you some fantastic free software to help you organize and run your on-line store. FSC ships everything for you from their warehouse in North Carolina so, you needn't worry about stocking supplies or totaling up shipping costs; they also process all payments, so there is another headache and expense that they so graciously have removed for you.

--There are three types of stores that you can have: the free store, which allows you to make money off of the products you sell, the silver store, which allows you to make money off of merchandise and residual income (for a $10.00 monthly fee) and the gold store, which is fully customizable and allows you to earn even more in residual income (for a $50.00 monthly fee). Each store level has it's own specific perks, that being said, I suggest if you are interested you click on the link above to find out how to get one for yourself and you can take the tour. One great perk I will take the time to share is that you, as a store owner at any level, can buy products at wholesale price, which to say the least, is awesome. Especially for an Internet shopping junkie, like myself. This alone is reason enough to join for free in my book.

--Oh, yeah and they have some pretty great on-line training available as well. They do this because the more you profit, the more they profit. So it's for best all around that they provide the best possible training available. All you need do is read about how to advertise your store and presto you make money, they make money.

$1.67 A Day/Juvio
--$1.67 A Day is an automated Internet marketing system to promote Juvio. Juvio is a tech support company. They can help you with hardware, software, or basically any computer problem. They sell their awesome tech support, education Cd's, and other products to make money. By having an affiliate program, they get people who want to have an Internet business to advertise for them, thus saving on advertising expenses, thus keeping costs down. This is an awesome business. Sometime this week I hope to be able to set up my tech support for my computer with them. I am hopeful that they will be able to optimize my system to my satisfaction. That to me, is pretty exciting, mostly because my computer hasn't run well in ages!(grimace)

--As with FSC, Juvio takes care of shipping and payment processing costs. They host your site, provide tech support, really all you need do as above is advertise.

Now, I am involved in a couple other business opportunities in addition to those I have mentioned here, all of which I found out about through my Referralware 'Multiple Income Stream Management System.' This allows me to manage all my businesses through one centralized website and learn about new and upcoming business opportunities that they throughly check and re-check for legitimacy and income potential. They have fantastic tech support and training available. I love this place. (sighs dreamily) They even have some great marketing tools that you can use to promote ALL your businesses. Simply wonderful, really.

So, that is why my posts have slowed down quite a bit. I will not say that managing a business is easy, let alone the four that I am involved in, because it's not. They take time to set up, time to learn, and time to keep running. But, I would like to say that I have already seen some incredibly positive results with each business. I hope to have each business running self-funding by the end of May. I think that this is a realistic goal. Then, in June, I will work toward making a profit.

I will keep you all posted!

Farewell!
Meagan

5.07.05 Mind Boggling

2005-05-07T15:45:00.000-05:00

Check this out!

A zillion galaxies....can you imagine! WOW.

Now don't you feel better that you know that!? (Grins)

So, today I worked, at my business on-line. Seriously, I promise I will try to compile my info to post as soon as I am able, but I have been awake damn near 24 hrs. And oddly enough, I am a bit tired. (Wonder how that happened!?)

So, I bid you all pleasant dreams and happy memory making until the morrow!

Meagan

Oh! A Poem! ...sorta... An oldie, but a goody.

Running Away
10.10.04
By Meagan Blanchard

I’m running ‘way
Past deviltry
And I’m skimming ‘long
Past idolatry

Feeling low
And impossible
Man this path
Is impassable

Clear the way, babe,
I’m coming through
Gonna have to be
Pencil number two

Erase away all
The difficulties
Sketching ‘round
All realities

And I’m running ‘way
Skimming along
Feeling low
Not so very strong.

Kick me as
I’m Down;
Smile and I
Frown…

As I’m running ‘way
From all my thoughts
Sketching happiness;
Perceived ink blots

Running ‘way
Skimming along
Feeling low
Not so very strong

Running ‘way

5.05.05 Crunch Time

2005-05-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a week!

It has been crazy busy for me, so very glad that today is my Friday! (Seriously, you have no idea!) I am so ready for the weekend off! Monday was full of studying for my ASE Test, and so was Tuesday. Tuesday after work, I came home and . . . . worked some more. (On my new Internet business, which I will speak about in more depth on my next post.) I went to sleep around 1pm and got up at 3pm. I was back to work at 4pm and was once again studying while waiting for the carpool to arrive.

We left for Topeka at 5:30pm and I was taking the test by 7pm. Let me just say, I not only felt woefully unprepared, but I was woefully unprepared! All that studying seemed for naught, as there were only 5-6 questions that were actually covered by the book! I was to say the least, not a happy camper. It felt like a pop quiz on the first day of school, and I had yet to even receive my text book. Ugh. I am confident that I either passed or failed. (Laughs) Honestly, it could go either way. I hope for the best, but expect the worst.

If I do not pass this time, I can retake the test this coming fall; which I will sign up for. (Of course! We all know I am a glutton for punishment!) I will not know if I passed until they mail out the results. This could take from 4 to 6 weeks. I hate waiting. I am not a patient person!! (See, glutton! I told you, but you wouldn't believe me! Ha!)

Then we went to Chili's and had dinner on the boss. (Yeah, that was niiiiice!) I had steak. (Grins)
I got back to work at 10pm and had to be at work by midnight, so I just stayed at work. I had a brief nap in my car and went to work. I tell you, I was so sleep deprived, it was very hard to stay awake at work! But, I got through it! Woot!

So, my plans this weekend are to post, work, post, work and post!

Laters Gaters!

*You may now go back to your regular scheduled programming*

5.01.05 After; In Space

2005-05-01T05:04:00.000-05:00

Aloha!

So, I've been MIA for a couple of days, my apologies for that! I am trying to prepare myself for my upcoming ASE test, which is on May 3rd. I feel completely unprepared, but I still have a bit of hope for the best. It's been so long since I have had to utilize my brain in that multiple-choice test sorta way that I fear the worst.

If you do not know what ASE is go here. I will be taking the ASE Parts Specialist Test. There are three different types; I will be taking the test involving after market brakes. Wish me luck folks, I will need it.

I did take the time this weekend to go see a movie. John and I saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is way different than the book, though they basically follow the same story line, with minor changes in the plot. In this rare occasion, the movie offers a good more detail than the book. The movie is also a bit more interesting, has a few more laughs, and of course, the graphics are fairly well done. Best scene in the movie is on the Factory floor for sheer great graphics alone, but I won't tell you all much more; I wouldn't want to ruin it for you all. Suffice to say, I felt it was worth paying theater prices to go see it on the big screen.

Well everyone, have a good morrow, I leave you with such parting words pasted below.

After; In Space (Villanelle)
by Meagan Blanchard

I could be a blazing comet, flying in the infinite black of space
Painting colors on that sheet of darkness with my own finesse.
Weaving through the spotted lights, a brilliant chase.

I would hurtle in the black of the empty, at my own pace
Singing out my harmonies, conquering your distress.
I could be a blazing comet, flying in the infinite black of space

But, I am not a comet, burning brightly in a higher place.
I sit beside you, whispering to you; give up your stress.
Weaving through the spotted lights, a brilliant chase.

A hope of life more elemental, a life of grace
Of magics reflecting brightly in your eyes; success!
I could be a blazing comet, flying in the infinite black of space

Believing with the wonder of the entire human race
Like that of a child at its' magical existence; transgress!
Weaving through the spotted lights, a brilliant chase.

Take this life, for your old, replace
Feel the elementals communal touch, a caress.
I could be a blazing comet, flying in the infinite black of space
Weaving through the spotted lights, a brilliant chase.

4.28.05 The Sadist

2005-04-28T21:48:00.000-05:00

As per request: Ricky this is for you.

The day dawned with a bit of nervousness, or rather it seemed so to me; as I remember it. I was working for an electronics company called DCI, in Lenexa, Kansas; about two years ago. I hated that job, lasting only about six to seven months there, but it did come with such a thing as dental insurance, which I had been living without for quite some time, as evidenced by the numerous cavities I had acquired in my front teeth near the gum line.

I went to this dentist I had as a kid. I remember going to him as a little tyke with my brother and sister. He gave us stickers, and toothbrushes, never failed to compliment on my pretty hair. The ladies at the front desk used to take pictures of us, all standing there with our teeth freshly cleaned, our new toothbrushes clutched tightly in our little hands, stickers proudly displayed on our t-shirts. I knew him, I trusted him.

I now hate him, and I am particularly glad that the remaining bill was claimable on my recent bankruptcy this previous September. (Mmmm, feel that satisfaction? Palatable. Yeah.) Dr. Burkes. That name shall be forever on my list of people to torture if I ever have the chance; which, incidentally, only consists of one name at the moment. (Want on it? It is cleverly designed to be expandable.) Moving on. . .

After all preliminary examinations, which included, ex-rays and a particularly painful cleaning, fully equipped with a through dental picking in my extremely sensitive cavities, he deemed that I would need several fillings. How incredibly brilliant of him! He showed me the charts of which teeth would need what and then we planned my next appointment. He decided to only do the fillings needed on my two front teeth first, four fillings in all. At this news, I was a bit dismayed. I mean, logical deduction says: I would have to be back for several different appointments to get everything done, as I had several cavities located in the corners of all my front teeth, which of course would cost. Cost more than my insurance would pay. Upon reflection, this did turn out to be a blessing as I was spared from having to deal with his unrelenting stupidity for any duration.

So, as I said earlier, the day dawned with a bit of nervousness, as if it reflected my inner turmoil. I chain smoked non-stop the whole way from work in Lenexa to Ottawa, where his office was located. I was early and so availed myself of his conveniently placed restroom to brush my teeth and otherwise prepare myself for this coming ordeal. I didn't take nearly enough time. I could never have been prepared for that.

Skipping ahead of the waiting room, I was sitting in The Chair, with that silly paper napkin chained about my neck with those stupid little teethy-clips. (AKA, roach clips, but I would not know anything about that. Really.) Once more, he wanted fresh ex-rays, as my cavities had grown in size, or so he said. I agreed. And before we started I decided, in a clever defensive ploy, to opt for the nitrous oxide, which most likely spared me a lot of discomfort, though it did cost me extra. He then numbed me with a bit of topical Novocaine, put those mouth-holder-openers in, then dived in with his big freaking needle.

Commence the torture.

He wielded this needle as if it was his last stand at the Alamo, and I was the enemy. It was every man or woman for him or herself as my hands gripped The Chair so hard I was sure I would break it. He jabbed that needle in my gum so hard my head pushed into the back of The Chair's headrest. I felt it. Not just pressure. No sir. I felt IT. Not just once, but again, and again, until blessedly, the medicine began to work.

I am not ashamed to say; tears leaked out of my eyes. My toes and hands were still tingling from the nitrous, I felt this weird cold settle upon me as he started to fill my cavities. He stopped several times to re-numb the area with his needle. Each time, pressure forced my head into the back of The Chair. When he hit a nerve I seriously thought: Okay, please, just kill me now, Sadist. I cannot describe how much that hurt. More tears leaked out as his accomplice, errrm assistant, handed him tool after torture device while he continued in punishing me for my extremely bad karma.

She noticed my tears. Her eyes widened: Does it hurt? she asked. (Well, derrr, yeah.) She used a tissue to wipe away my tears and informed the doctor of my obvious discomfort. I of course, was mute due to the mouth openers and could not prevent what was to happen.

Yeah, you guessed it.

Here comes the needle. Again.

Suffice to say, I was not in good shape when I left to go to my car. I was worn out, like that old pair of jeans that you've had since the early eighties. Yeah, that was me. On the way home, it's a thirty minute drive from his office to my house, the numbness wore off.

Dear God.

I had no idea two teeth could hurt so much! At first I didn't understand why, but then I pulled over as it was hurting so bad I could not see for the tears obscuring my vision. I controlled myself, then looked in the mirror at my teeth.

Tenderized meat.

That is what my gums looked like. You could see the individual holes where he went at it with the needle. I counted fifteen separate holes on the front surface. It was as if he had a meat tenderizer and was preparing my gums for lunch. They were bleeding. Oh yeah. A lot. Then, I noticed the color. Yellow, not white like the lower part of my teeth, but a dingy, coffee stained yellow. Ugh.

Never again, I told myself. I will never go back to him again. And, know what? I haven't. My gums hurt for weeks after my encounter with the Sadist. Very sensitive. I could only drink luke-warm liquids. My teeth are still sensitive to this day in that area.

So, now you know. The Humane Dentist is a blessing.

Ciao

4.27.05 What Kind of Dentist Is This?

2005-04-27T22:49:00.000-05:00

This morning after work, I had an appointment at the Dentist.

It was to be my first tooth extraction. *shudders*

I was nervous all day, eating like a starving man that knows this incredible opportunity to eat may never come again. No, I didn't choose refined foods. My food choices consisted of chilly dogs, Chicken Parmesan, and dough-nuts. The farther along the night went, and as my appointment time drew ever more close, the more cramped up my whole body became. My stomach decided to take a roller coaster ride, my muscles decided I had just ran a marathon, and my intestines screamed at me in rebuke for all the fatty foods I had ingested. Suffice to say; I was miserable.

All the guys at work were teasing me relentlessly. Which was all in good fun, but it made my fear increase to DEF CON Four. Endorphins were released, Adrenalin was pumping, and my eyes were near to bursting with unshed frightened tears. I am proud to say, I did not cry. I had no reason too.

After work, I stopped by my house and picked up my husband. He was not just there for moral support, but also in case I did not feel like driving home. Or was not able to drive. Or was dead from mouth torture. Or...

We arrived one minute before my appointment time; I filled out all required paperwork and then they ushered me into The Chair. I have nightmares about that chair.

They take an ex-ray and the nice lady tells me the doctor will be in to see me soon. I sit there tensely for about ten minutes, which seems like an eternity stretched upon the rack awaiting torture.

The Doctor arrives. As he looks at my tiny ex-ray, he asks how I am feeling. I tell him I am extremely nervous. He asks why. I tell him of my bad experience. He continues to look at that stupid ex-ray and pronounces that yes, the tooth must be removed.

But, not today. No, not today. I repeat this back to him like a parrot, only mimicking because I do not truly understand because of my fear. He smiles a knowing smile, and my eyes narrow.

No, not today, he says. It has become abscessed, and will hurt if I remove it today. I think I blinked. Probably. Blink. So, he prescribes some penicillin and wants to see me again in ten days. He also prescribes a single anxiety pill for me to take one hour before my appointment, so that I can come in relaxed and not be so afraid.

In reality, I felt a bit cheapened. I wasted all that worry on nothing. I went through no pain. Didn't even see a drill or pliers. What kind of dentist is this!

A humane one! Thank God!

4.26.05 Relationship Revitalized (?)

2005-04-26T12:32:00.000-05:00

I post the following poem, because today...today he made me happy.

Guess what he did.....come on.... guess!!!

He cleaned house. Did dishes, vacuumed, took out trash, and....

wait for it....

wait for it....

Cooked steak on the grill. (Grins.) Marinated steak even. (Swoons) Who said the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? I know it is with mine. Which is sort of pitiful... but I can live with it.

So, I went back into my poems, got the angriest, most hurtful piece I could find, so that I could remember: Remember what it was like before, and in doing so, fully appreciate the sacrifice he made today to make me happy.

Relationship Suicide
By Meagan Blanchard
1.10.05

Dearest love of my life,

My husband, my lover, my friend
. . . . . . . . .Want me . . . . . . . .
Want me, before my want of you is
Washed away by a tide of bitterness.
Before the sands of my passion are
Formed into angry reefs of rejection.

Want me for life and let not the
Years passing dull our mutual affection.

I am begging
I am pleading…

This passionless companionship
Is banqueting upon the borders
Of my heart; weakening my resolve
To battle for that something more.

The loneliness whispers,
Even though you lay beside me,
Give up; Give in. . . .

O, my love, ‘tis not just lust I am seeking;
Nay, not so commonly uncouth as that!
I can only sigh, for we have traversed
This pebble strewn beach before, have we not?

‘Tis a maze, my love, our relationship;
A maze with no center; no heart..
Why must it be me, I ask
Why must I have this fulfillment;
Can not I be happy as we are?

Many a lady would sell all they own
For just a moment in time,
One perfect second of what we have.

Yet, still, I hunger, I crave,
My being is ravenous for what is missing!
That you thirst for me just as much as I hunger for you.
Lust, love, passion, intimacy. . .
I need it!I want it;
And I shall not be denied!

I bear my insecurities to you,
My soul is not pure, but surely
To someone it is beautiful to behold.

Dearest husband, are you liken to winter?
All frosty chill and death in abundance
Where is your spring, my love, where is
Your life giving breath?

O, darling, do you not feel this need I feel?
To be more. . . .
I have so much to give!
Yet, I cannot give more to this mockery of love!
That I only could, my husband, that I only could. . .

O, God! Just want me!
All of me!
Not just the parts that you like!
Crave all of me.
Hunger for me
Body, heart, mind; my soul!
. . . . . . Want me. . . . . . . . .
Please
. . . . . . Show me. . . . . . . . .

Your loving wife

4.25.05 Living the Big Life

2005-04-25T23:00:00.000-05:00

(Clears throat.)

I noticed that I have been spending way too much time on the Internet. This, according to some, qualifies as a problem. As I see it, life is just a series of problems and in order to live life, you must attempt to solve those problems. Hence, my logical conclusion: make the Internet make money for me while I clatter away at the keyboard divulging my thoughts. So, in doing so, I have essentially solved a problem and I continue to live life to its fullest.

Riiiiiiiight.

Now, onto other things, related but not really. (Heh.)

So, you've probably noticed the shameless template changes made by me, in agreement with Google, of course. I am hoping to get paid for the time I spend here. Which by the way, is too much, but I have quite the addictive personality; for which I have no excuse. So, I figure, why not exploit my faults into a possible avenue of revenue. So, if you feel the need to check out any of the Google ads, please, feel free. I won't stop you. I promise. Swear. Yes, cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.

There, feel better? I know I do.

Cheers until the morrow!

A Womans' Charm

2005-04-24T12:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, another day comes to it's conclusion. A few words before I bid the world goodnight, a lovely sonnet to send me off to sleep.

A Womans' Charm
By Meagan Blanchard

Let not loves flight swing you forever past,
Your grasping hold, secure not, doth waver
Against all hope,all good, your fate is cast.
Eat not said lemon, for sour flavor
But, yield to thee sweet sugar of herself
Waltzing properly, scandalous tango,
As fluid and graceful as mystic elf
Tamed she is not, ever wild mango.
For woman in love, no girl anymore,
Heeds not societies regulations.
Give her desires or come will mad war
For she holds logic, against frustrations.
O, let not thou soldiers go for loves' lost
Or you shall pay high, the dearest of cost.

4.24.05 Momentary Insight

2005-04-24T03:30:00.000-05:00

My day yesterday, was to say the least, conversationally interesting. While making tortillas, I asked John to read my Achieving Euphoria post. So, he did because I asked him, though usually he shrugs off of reading my writing.

Now I know why, but we will get to that in a minute.

I am glad he did because it gave me an uncanny insight into the mind of John. After he read it he asked me: How can you share something like that? (He seemed quite put out about it, not angry, but, just as if it was something he would never in his wildest imaginings ever do, or want to do.) I asked of him: Well, why not? He replied: Because that is so personal. Hell, woman, I've known you for six years and can't seem to talk to you, let alone share something of that nature with complete strangers! (well, not verbatim, but that's the gist of our conversation)

And, then BAM, insight. He doesn't really want to know (even if it is about me); sharing in that manner is uncomfortable for him. I mean, I knew that, but really didn't understand until yesterday. He is just a very private person, so I am sure me writing about him really gripes his butt. On the contrary, I am a very giving, open, sharing person. I like sharing my thoughts with others. I like knowing I am not the only person in the world with petty grievances. I like sharing my life with the world around me. John does not. For him sharing such personal thoughts would be like running naked in New York City traffic for me. (Which I would never do, by the way, well at least not sober...) He said to me: I think you share too much.

So, this is my question for the masses. Do I, have I, am I, sharing too much? Or is it how I perceive it is: That it's exciting to see into the minds of others, intoxicating to know how others think, mesmerizing to glimpse a day in the life of "So and So".

I find it rewarding to know that others read my thoughts. Especially when the say things like: I can so relate to that, Yesterday I went...blah e.t.c... In this way I feel connected to others. A part of the world.

And that my friends is no small thing.

So, let me know what you think, hum? I am interested to know of your thoughts!

Cheers!

4.24.05 Step Into The Confessional Please

2005-04-24T02:38:00.000-05:00

No, I am not Catholic, nor I am very religious really. I was thinking earlier. (Heaven help me - get it? heh...) Right, so I was thinking, I should confess; confess my dirty little secret.

Does anyone wish to know it? Yeah, I will spill the beans. But, really, you should have more patience. It's a virtue you know?

So, here it is: I am a Harry Potter fan. Please don't condemn me. The books, the movies, and if I were really brave, I'd probably buy the sticker book too. But, I'm not brave, so, no, I don't own the sticker books. But, I saw some once. I think even my husband noticed my eyes getting shifty. My hands itching. My fevered brain processing how much it would cost if I collected the whole set. Lucky me, I am poor - oh, and spineless.

So, why you ask, am I a Harry Potter fan? Well, let me clear that up for you.

A lot of it has to do with envy. Such an ugly emotion, envy. Why envy you ask? (You're just full of questions today aren't you?) Envy, because I envy her, her fertile imagination. Her determination, through death, strife, and of course her steadfast refusal to quit writing because of life circumstances. I am not just a Harry Potter fan because I think it is a good story; I am also a J.K. Rowling fan, because she deserves to be admired for her accomplishments, her ideas, and her mind. So, how did my envy become admiration; and that I tell you happened because I am just simply not equipped to be negative toward anyone who has done me no wrong. So, envy transmuted into admiration, which has allowed me to suck up my pride and admit it. I admire that woman. Her imagination seems to know no bounds.

If you wish to read her biography go to her official site here.

My husband once asked me, in a bit of a pique I think, why haven't I written a story like that yet. (He wants to quit his 'day' job.) I replied to him: well I am just not that good. He scoffed at me and said something along the lines of this: You know, she's just a normal person too. Which lead me to kind of have a small epiphany. He was right, amazingly (Honey, you'd best mark this date on your calender because I will never admit that ever again!) and I'd bet the $32.00 dollars in my checking account right now that J.K. Rowling had doubts too.

So, it might not happen overnight for me, (well duh!) but I have much more confidence that the possibilities are there to be had. Now, all I have to do is have an idea. (Well, hell!)

Many of the Rowling fans out there might be wondering why I consider this to be a dirty little secret; well I shall once again enlighten you. When I picked up the first book (which incidentally, was not until I had seen the first two movies), I noticed right away that it was geared more toward people younger than me. (I am 23 years old) Thus I found shame in the fact that I was reading (and enjoying) basically what I considered to be a children's or teenager's novel. I now consider it 'Okay' to come out of the closet about this because as the character grows in intelligence, so the novel grows in it's older fan base. Hence, I am not so much ashamed.

Though really, I should never have been ashamed at all. I mean, heck, Shreck was geared for children, and I enjoyed that, even John enjoys such shows like The Powerpuff Girls for cripes sake!

So, no more shame now folks. I am through with that.

And cheers to J.K. Rowling for an excellent series.

I bid you adieu!

The Man Song

2005-04-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

Turn on your speakers folks!

The Man Song

A Mouse of a Conspiracy

2005-04-23T01:43:00.000-05:00

A Mouse of a Conspiracy
By Meagan Blanchard
Copyright 3.27.05

I hear the back door opening. The hinges having not been oiled in years, creaking their protest loudly. I turn from my computer desk in the dining room, heart beating frantically. I’ve always loved the nights, the solitude, the quiet, but this is what I hate about being alone at night; the unidentifiable creaks, noises, bumps, and now of course, this. I get up slowly, simultaneously grabbing a metal letter opener from the green pottery cup that holds an assortment of rulers, pens, pencils, and one tire air pressure gauge. Heart pumping overly loud and with my letter opener at the ready, I slowly cross the dining room floor, my fuzzy white house slippers not even making a whisper of noise on the old tan carpet. I reach the doorway to the kitchen, my body concealed behind the wall, and lean my head and eyes over the right side of the entryway.

Spying nothing out of the ordinary, I step full into view, and boldly check the door handle for obvious tampering of the lock. There are no scratch marks or signs of forcing; the lock is secure and the door closed. Looking a might perplexed, I head back toward the dining room absently thinking of horror movies and the women leads that always forget to look behind them. Upon the culmination of that thought, I thoroughly check every room in the house. Nothing is amiss. Completely confused and almost convinced that I am - without a doubt - crazy, I head back to my computer desk to complete unanswered emails.

After an hour of diligent work, I hear the door open again. Creeeeeeeeeeeeak. Fear pummels through me hard and fast, sending chills up my back and forming goose bumps on my legs and arms. Quickly reaching for my trusty letter opener, and upon not finding it, grabbing a sharpened wooden number two pencil instead, I boldly mask my fear by marching straight for the kitchen and the door. Only to find once again, that it is unopened. “What the fuck?” I whisper aloud, finding my voice shaky with quickening fear. I do another complete check of the house. Again finding nothing disturbed. A feeling of wrongness enters me, as I step back into the dining room. I cross the dining room and sit in my computer chair. As I reach across the desk to put my pencil-weapon back in the cup where it belongs, I notice in my peripheral vision, my letter opener on the floor to my right. Then I notice what is holding it.

A mouse.

I almost laugh at the absurdity of it, but check myself before the hysterical sound escapes me. Despite my fears and a possible onset of hysterics, I hold fast to my almost released pencil-weapon. I deplore the fact that it is my only protection against this uncanny foe. For surely there is intelligence behind those beady red eyes. And of course, I couldn’t be wearing proper shoes or jeans, but my robe, nightdress and slippers. A sigh blows past my lips, and the mouse looks at me, its’ red eyes fixed on my arm that is to him, hidden by the desk. I quickly and soundlessly slip the pencil up the sleeve of my robe, thankful that I didn’t choose the three quarter sleeve robe instead. I pull up Microsoft Word on my computer and type two sentences in the word processing page. Mouse holding letter opener. I am afraid. I hit enter three times and then begin to type gibberish, as if I was oblivious to everything around me. I never move my eyes from the mouse. I decided that for a mouse, this Thing is huge. At least seven inches long, not including its’ tail.

Maybe it’s a rat, I think trying to rationalize a mouse holding my letter opener as weapon. Fear makes my spine straight as an arrow, and I try to relax, just incase the Thing can sense my fear.

The Thing takes action. Rising on its hind legs and running toward my right foot, it uses my letter opener as a rapier, jabbing my ankle with it. The Thing is so fast, that I am taken aback at the speed with which it moves, and are therefore unprepared for the sharp and biting pain of the letter opener sinking into my flesh. I scream, hands griping my desk hard. I notice the Thing struggling to remove his makeshift sword from my ankle, the pain of the movement is almost unbearable. I fail to notice my own whimpers and little screams. I struggle to move, to do something.

Remembering my pencil, and with much grunting and fumbling, manage it out of my sleeve, I transfer the grip, holding it in my fist. I lean over the arm of my chair and stab the Thing through the meat of its side; I hear a satisfying crack-thump as the tip of the pencil breaks when it reaches the floor. The Thing squirms flipping over and curls itself about my hand, biting me with its teeth, and scratching me with its not-so-tiny claws. This time I do hear my own screams. Loud and full of terror.

Get it off! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!

Hysterics finally claim my mind, being to much for me to handle, I let them. Still sitting in the chair, with the Thing wrapped about my hand and half of my upper forearm, I shake my arm fast trying to dislodge my unwanted clinging rodent.

Finally, I realize through my hysterics that if it becomes dislodged it could run anywhere and I wouldn’t have a chance at finding it; I stand on my feet, almost collapsing at the pain that shoots up my calf from my wound. The letter opener still sticking halfway out of my ankle, blood oozing out the sides of the metal. I tighten my fist about the furry evil Thing, and with deliberate steps, head toward the closest wall. The Things squeals loudly, the meat of my hand between first finger and thumb muffling this noise. The Thing bites harder, and I quicken my painful step. My arm throbbing with sharp pains as the Thing tries to bite his way free. He obviously knows what I’m going to do.

I reach the wall, and trying to protect my fingers in the process, slam the Thing into the wall repeatedly with as much force as I can. Grunting noises issue from my mouth, squealing noises emit from the Thing. Sweating profusely, I reach my arm back for one more mighty swing against the wall. Crrrrrrrruckkkkkkthummmmmp! I hear the crack of my own hand breaking, but no longer does the Thing move. It is dead. Just to be sure, I head for the kitchen, intent on finding a big enough pan to boil the fucker in, when I run into a man.

A man standing in my kitchen.

“Who the hell are you?” I demand roughly and not a little bit breathlessly.

“Get her!” he orders loudly. A sharp pain slams into the back of my head, then there is nothing but darkness.

****

“Dr. Henry, call in your colleagues, see to this woman’s health. Stenson, gather your men, and get this mess cleaned up. I trust that you will be thorough.“ Jack Furlough issues these orders in a calm but clear voice, which does not display the hidden turmoil that is seething inside him. Who would ever have thought that tracking this rat would have given them such problems? Jack muses. He had been watching the girl, ever since her second trip through the house, and had admired her perceptiveness, seeing the rat, and taking immediate action. Though he had been worried, worried that her hysterics would rob her of common sense. He had seen such before. They had been tracking the rat for only one day. Just one day, and two people killed, with one wounded. It took fifteen of our best men to track it, but only one woman to kill it, he thinks with irony.

Stenson gathers his crew and starts to clear up any traces that this Visitor may have left. Jack looks at the immobile Dr. Trevor Henry, and frowns.

“Dr. Henry!” Trevor jumps and looks at Jack with confusion playing on his features. “Do I need to repeat myself, Doctor?” Jack inquires impatiently.

“No, Jack. I.. I..” Trevor stammers.

“Indeed Doctor, indeed.” Jack replies, lifting his left eyebrow.

Trevor turns and summons the other two doctors and instructs them to decontaminate the house. Meanwhile, he commandeers three men to get the woman on a stretcher, and into the rear of the SUV. In less than twenty minutes, there are no traces that a titanic fight between a woman and an extraordinary rat had ever occurred.

“Round up, let’s head out.” Jack orders quietly as he grabs the locked plastic box that contains one dead ‘rat’.

Ten minutes later, after all the gravel dust settles, one house, surrounded by evergreen trees and open untilled fields, finds itself eerily quiet.

2005-04-23T01:08:00.000-05:00

Newest Blurry Photo Of Me

4.22.05 Achieving Euphoria

2005-04-22T23:54:00.000-05:00

Good Evening Folks,

It was a beautiful day in Kansas today. Storm weather. Dark blue-gray clouds crowded the sun from the sky; rain was once again scented upon the wind. Tornado weather most likely, as it was very windy this afternoon. The weather suited my mood perfectly.

I did normal things today, almost like a normal person. Was up at four a.m., surfed the net for a bit, then my husband and I cooked supper around eight this morning. (We both work graveyard shifts, so breakfast is really dinner for us.)

We recently bought a new grill, so we tried it out with some chicken breasts. (Yum.) They turned out well with mashed potatoes and green beans. Then we went to town; stopping by the bank, salon (for my shampoo and conditioner), doctors office, and then last but, most expensive, we stopped by Wal-mart for some groceries. Which reminds me, I need to find some strawberry Carnation Instant Breakfast. It's John's favorite. They didn't have any, in their usual style as John would say; 'Never having what I really want. Just things I never need.'

He's a bit of a pessimist, (Grin) which usually irritates me, but it didn't peeve me today. Not really sure why. I am not sure if it's just me, or if this is a normal thing in all relationships; but sometimes the things I find most endearing about him, really piss me off. (ah-em) Anyway,

On the way to the salon, I saw my best friend Beth. She was just recently re-married and now more recently, very pregnant, maybe 3-4 months along? She's just started showing. My God. I never believed it before, but women are very beautiful when pregnant. She looked so good with her usually very flat belly slightly rounded and distended with the weight and growth of her babe. She seemed so content. Settled. Happy. Sated. And, no offense to my friend, but she is a very 'flighty' type of person. Not to say that she flits from subject to subject, or person to person, just that she is very... hard to please, as she is a bit of a perfectionist. She, of course, would never tell you she was unpleased, unless you really pissed her off, but she would frown and crease her brow, then change the subject. Hence my use of the word, flighty.

There was no frowning this morning at all. She seemed so damn happy, I was almost jealous. Ok, forget the almost, I was very jealous. The sense of peace and well-being surrounded her like a.... a death shroud. Like a death shroud, yeah... that says it all for me. Envy was hitting my gut so hard I couldn't help but want to get away. And I don't even want children!!! I don't plan on having children!! I am way too selfish to be a mother. But, dearest Jesus, I wanted that happiness. That peace. That contentment.

And then, (now this really takes the cake!) at the doctors office, there were these two little children, one boy about 5 and a girl about 4, trying to push open the exit door while their mother signed papers at the check-out. Ohmygod, they were soooo cute! I smiled at them and the little boy just made this -- eeeewww face by scrunching up his nose (one of the cutest things I've ever seen), the little girl obviously knew on some level that she was just as cute as punch, because she smiled right back at me and then made her pig-tails bounce joyously about her head. I think my heart melted. So, even though I so-know-better, I blame everything I say from here on out on those two little kids. All their fault.

So, now that the cake has been taken, with only the frosting left, what do you think should happen now? Not one, but two very, very pregnant women come in for appointments. Both looked about ready to pop. Happy, but ready to pop. I know one of them. From high school. She of course looked radiant. Her name is Haley. I wanted to scratch her eyes out in a full jealous rage. But, instead asked her how she was doing and we spoke all about her due date (in two weeks) and the baby.

Now, I just want to bawl my eyes out..

Don't get me wrong. I am not in the market for a baby. I don't want one, am not ready for one, nor am I taking applications for the job of making one. (that position's fulfilled thankyouverymuch). But I am very interested in knowing how to achieve that euphoric feeling that poured off of all those women this morning. (sigh)

If you have any advise, be sure and let me know. I am obviously in dire straights as I just blamed my very childish reactions on two very innocent and adorable children. (Hey, I never claimed I was a saint.)

And so, I shall make a very dramatic exit and leave you all in a huff, without another word. Except of course, for a poem.

......

Fatal Monotony
by Meagan Blanchard

There is this and that; these and those,
Places between
The yet to be,
Though life is much like this tree,
Changes abound, though ... rarely seen.

And through seasonal changes,
Like society
What is in fashion,
Soon becomes taboo, not the passion
Like the ebb and flow of the tide, we think with piety.

As if we are more than what we seem
As I
Have many, a different personality
All wrapped up in my perceived speciality,
Like the layers of bow in a Windsor tie.

4.21.05 Indecision

2005-04-21T14:40:00.000-05:00

The title says it all today, folks.
I am feeling very indecisive.
Should I cry, or stay dry eyed
And, in doing so, save my pride.

Wary of the choices; instinctively knowing
That a chasm lies in the darkness,
Awaiting the incautious actions
Of a person facing many distractions.

I stare at the black surface of my desk
Wondering if oblivion seeks my hand at last
Shall my mind become compliant,
Or explode like an errant gas giant.

Emotional contemplation changes form
Becoming financial worries, seeking to scorn
'It's just a redistrubtion of wealth,
Not a contract designed for your health.'

Chewing upon a lower lip, I seek a reason
For my mis-fits; A possible fated
Misdirection, that has me overcompensating
Until I am in agony; abrogating

My claim to humanity.

4.20.05 Naivete

2005-04-20T12:30:00.000-05:00

The humidity screams spring to me, as my lungs inhale, bringing in moistened air past my fried lungs from too many menthol cigarettes. I can't help but flare my nostrils and delve into that olfactory bliss. Worms, possible rain, diesel fuel (from the truck stop where I work), oil, over-cooked meat. Some-kinda heaven, I think. Odors that remind me of nature and technology intermingling together to create their own unique fragrance. Perfection.

I look toward the sky and spot the overcast morning. Gray-blue, and damn it's so beautiful. It's days like today that make my mind scream poetry at me until I wish to puke out the words to anyone who will listen to me speak. It's an almost violent urge that I cannot seem to control. On the way home from work, I turn off the radio and just organize a few lines of gibberish in my conscious mind, hoping to remember them for when I get home and can type them up. This happens to me often; so often that curse myself for not stopping along side the road to write down what I have composed. So many great lines lost to the short-term memory blues. I have to laugh at my own antics, as I question myself and my silly urges to be heard. Pathetic, I sometimes think, I am so pathetic.

But, I can't stop. I just can't. I've tried. It's my drug. My addiction. My salvation. My long-term affair, and my long-lost love. What a weird, almost dysfunctional relationship I have with my writing. I love it, I hate it; I am proud of it, yet I think I am not good enough at it to deserve any praise. I try to make myself stop, but here I am, yet again, writing. Odd, is it not?

So, here's a little ditty that I came up with, unpolished, unedited. Most likely crap; but, the feeling of naivete was too close to ignore.

Naivete
By Meagan Blanchard
4.20.05

I am gutless
And a first class sissy.
But, It's okay, Mom,
The Real World doesn't stand a
Chance against my aplomb.

They'll be too stunned by
My wit, spry nature
And cleverness;
To take advantage of
This young governess!

I'll show them all
What it means to
Have personality,
Completely shocking
Them into my personal reality.

Playing with puppy dogs
While having a nice picnic;
Taking walks around the lake,
I'll even bake them all
Their favorite Birthday cake.

Now, Mom, don't you worry
I'll be okay
Life can't be nearly as bad as you say

Vanished Sorbet

2005-04-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

Vanished Sorbet
By Meagan Blanchard
Copyrighted 2003, 2005

Musing over lime sorbet,
The weird pillow of thoughts
Pushes at the forefront of my mind.
A stray thought floats up
And out my mouth:
"Would've rather had rainbow sorbet."

I shake my head
Nailing down my mind,
Wrenching it back to the previous concept.
The speaker of motivations is
Gone, but now haunting my thoughts;
And Shakespeare said in Hamlet,
"To thy own self be true."

The conference astounded my mind,
Clearing the mud
From the gears in my brain,
Oiling its' weakened pistons.
Finally, the thought I'd been working close to
All night shimmers into being;
Now solid enough to grasp with both hands.

I can be, whom-so-ever I wish to be!
All I have to do is try ---
The loss of my ignorance,
Made me sit back, and cry.
My sorbet
Is melted.

4.17.05 Impersonal

2005-04-17T16:58:00.000-05:00

My fist web-log posting. How exciting!

But, what does one say to the masses or possibly to absolutely no one at all. For there is no guarantee that anyone will actually read what I post upon these electronic pages. No surety that anyone will understand who I am in this swarm of Internet activity. There are millions upon millions of people screaming their aches, pains, horrors, personal wants, gains, vacations, obsessions, (e.t.c.) into the infinite space of the Internet. I am but one voice whispered among the screaming throng.

Sometimes, the sterilization of the Internet completely frightens me. Will we one day no longer have personal contact with other humans? Will we one day no longer be comfortable with such close contact; will we order our groceries delivered from a kiosk in the corner of our homes? (Standard with every apartment, house, or condo. For only $1,999.99! *warranty includes all electronic connections and components, housing and securing brackets, but is not honored if subjected to abuse. Including, but not limited too: spilled coffee, milk, juice, or any sugared beverages. Excessive force used upon said kiosk will void warranty.) Everything you think that you could ever need or want, available upon request with, of course, the completion of a quick credit check? Is it much different than it is today? Hell, I order more clothing on-line than I actually buy in a department store! Are we, am I, such social infants? Do we crave such separateness? Is society so dysfunctional that we must hide our imperfections behind electronic screens of depersonalized socializations as we try to connect with our fellow human beings?

Or is it possible, probable, that we can find happiness from the Internet. Connect with humanity as we never could before. I suppose it is arguable. At least it is STD Free, eh? Stop the spread of genital herpes! Communicate with the woman/man of your dreams on-line now!! Ugh, sometimes it's so impersonal I wish to forcefully vomit.

But, it does have its pluses, that I cannot deny. The freedom to acquire knowledge, pursue hobbies and/or entertainment, the multitude of avenues available for exploration are endless. Possibilities limitless.

And so here I am; putting my thoughts upon electronic paper, hoping to touch just one person with my words.

Y'eveton's Prayer

2005-04-17T16:33:00.000-05:00

Y’etevons' Prayer
by Meagan Blanchard
Copyright 2003
Edited 3.22.05

Our world had begun to change in the second year after The Great Harvest. Now called The Great Harvest, for we had never seen such bounty again in my life time. That winter it began to snow, endless white upon white. Horrific cold winds, that never stopped blowing harshly as the landscape turned so frozen that even when it didn't snow and the sun appeared, the deep ice didn't melt. Not even the seasons changed. Frost bite became a constant hazard, with many loosing limbs due to exposure. The Great Ice built up and up, never completely going away. Grass grazers died frozen and starving. We died frozen and starving.

I was not even a gleam in my mothers' eye then. She had been just a babe at the beginning. She is dead now, and at the tender age of only fifteen years.

She was only fourteen when she conceived me; I could say accidentally, but I am the filthy Product of Rape; and the reason for her death. I am told her labor was hard, long and painful and I am forever shunned for my leaping into the world feet first, instead of using my brain as normal babes, and entering the world thought before action. Ever have I been known to be fleet of foot and slow of thought; though before this day I had never believed it to be so.

The Trvual's had enslaved us. It happened in the fifth year after The Great Harvest. They were from the far Northern Caps, or so we believe. Great, big, giant men and women, tall as a young tree in its tenth year of growth, with long flowing beards. They came for us dressed in frozen coats from the skins of animals pieced together with frozen cords of leather thongs. They are fleshy, but even stronger than the once great trees that we had so revered. They came upon us, freezing in our cities, not willing to cut the precious trees that were our homes for warmth. But, they, they had ice homes such as we have never before seen. Great big castles of ice! Huge to us, but, small and cramped to the Trvual's. Rounded us up like we would have the grazers killing half our number for their cook pots as others were kept as slaves and used to cut down our homes for their warmth. The rest as they say, is History.

Before this day, my life consisted of chopping, the endless chopping of the Great Trees. I no longer hear them scream which is oddly a relief, but so terrifying at the same time. A relief because, now, I no longer have frozen tears on my cheeks and bleeding ears from their wailing; terrifying because now they will never again have the chance for the dormant healing of winter; they are truly dead. But, this day was different.

This day I was arisen by the normal bellows from my Master Tien, an old Trvual that holds me upon his shoulders so I may cut the smaller branches from the last of the great Trees. Only, this was a bellow of annoyance and irritation, instead of a bellow of resignation. Then I heard the fight ongoing outside. Elves screaming, Trvuals’ bellowing, and the scuffle of light feet running masked by the lumbering steps of a much larger tread. Much of fighting I had never learned, but this day I learned it was gruesome in the extreme. Sure, I had seen the slaughter Ice House, where the old, and the infirm were taken to die, then quartered for the pots. But, The Trvual's were almost nice with their darts of The Long Sleep; their almost pristine care of dissection. Waste naught, want naught; a truism especially hard to swallow for my kind.

I heard the cry of my fellow Elves: "Resistance!!!! Country Men! For the Trees!!"

Tears streamed down upon my cheeks as my ears and brain signified the importance of these few words. The trees! I wanted to wail: but, we have decimated them! They shall never survive this long hard winter that never ends! But, I held my tongue, so silent, and crept from my frozen sleeping pallet and ran for the nearest Great Tree. Why I ran for them I shall never know. Maybe because they were something familiar in the chaos of this day, or maybe because I needed to protect them and heal the harm I had done to them. Either way, I ended myself up in the thick of the battle. The Trvual's were obviously winning, with their great big staffs and Darts of the Long Sleep. Our battle was lost much before it had begun.

Oh, how I wanted to help! But, I did not know what to do! So helpless was I, that I could barely use my feet and brain at the same time! So, I just quit thinking at all. No thoughts of the bloody images upon the battlefield. No thoughts of my father, the Rapist, being tossed around like an ice pebble. No thinking upon why I hadn't been told, or trained, for this moment of moments that would change the rest of what would be the end of my Elvin life. I just Raced toward what was left of the Great Trees, not feeling the Long Sleep darts enter my side and back, not hearing the sound of them sinking into my soft tender flesh.

Upon reaching the Great Trees, and using my agility to climb an almost limbless dying Great Oaken brute of a Tree, I felt the first knife slice to my rib cage. I screamed, almost loosing my hold on the Tree, but I continued to grasp fast and sure. Letting go with one hand I reached to feel the blood, wet and sticky, upon my numb fingers. Surprise decorated my face. Questions raced in my thoughts. I was to die now, I knew and that hit me hard and sure. It blackened the world about me like nothing else could do.

Death.

The Great Black Ocean.

I feared it as I did nothing else! As all my kind did. Great Tree help me, I thought, I'm truly frightened. So scared I couldn't move voluntarily, just shake uncontrollably. Then the irony hit me! Another great implosion inside my mind; I was pleading for the Great Tree to stop my dying, and I had been slowly killing them all my life! Oh, great irony of ironies! How dense I was! Then the thought shimmered in my mind, of my feet first entrance into the world, of leaping before thought. I laughed! So hard my side and back screamed in agony at me.

Up I went then, to the tip of the Dead Great Tree and I sat there all ironic laughter gone. I did something none have thought to do in my life time, as it was blasphemous to our kind for what we had done. I prayed. Elbows to knees, squatting; my back against the trunk, I prayed. Prayed for the Great Tree to end this winter madness and take my life in the bargain for my fifteen years of the taking of theirs.

Thus I prayed aloud:

"Great Holy Trees,
Hear my longing Pleas.
Take me from this world, so cold.
Take my soul as payment, not gold.
Forgive me my transgressions;
Please hear my confessions.
Crimes to Yours, my people have committed
This we have surely now, have admitted.
For the Great Black Ocean, I am currently headed.
This you know all my people have dreaded.
Herded as grazers, timidly we have let
The Trvual's take your lives by effort of our sweat.
Your screams of agony, did we hear
But, still we ignored, because of fear.
Take what is now freely given
By your actions we shall know if we are forgiven."

I closed my eyes and repeated my prayer until I started to get sleepy. Then, I looked around to see the rest of my people once again being herded as beasts by the Trvual's. As anger shot through me hard and fast, I surveyed the battle scene with scrutiny. The smaller Trvual's had gathering duty; the picking up of the dead to be carried to the Ice House of Slaughter. The redness of blood was already being covered up by a new snow. I wept for my people and for their brave but, hopeless actions on this day. I now knew why they had done so. To go along meekly just to escape death was a far worse punishment than death itself.

Vehemently, I prayed aloud once again. Screaming it defiantly into the biting winter wind!

“I am yours!" I screamed as I finished my prayer. "Take me!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Over and over until my throat was hoarse and my cheeks were frozen I screamed this prayer and plea aloud. Until no longer could I fight off exhaustion, then I remember nothing but, blackness.

****

"Do you think he followed the Prophecy?" a wounded Elf asked his sister who was tending him. Worriedly she fussed about him, wrapping his dressings of old and supple grazer hide tighter about his leg.

"He is our only hope dear brother, I surely hope he did, I surely hope he did."

****

Four days after the battle:

"The sun shines this rare day." grunted Master Tien to Grand Master Kepv.

Grand Master Kepv roared at Tien "Shut up you fool!! I....!" Kepv stopped, mid-sentence, as he noticed something on one of the Great Trees that was being readied to be uprooted.

"It's the boy." he whispered as much as any thing the same size as a full grown tree can whisper; which sounded much like a barrel of rocks being shaken.

"IT"S THE BOY!!!!!" he shouted, so loud that the Elves with their sensitive ears fell to their knees in agony, blood seeping out of many an already burst ear drum. Those that were farthest away started to cheer.

"Shut them up, quickly!" Kepv yelled to Tien. Tien marched toward the Elves with determination upon his craggy face, staff raised.

"HE’S DEAD!" Roared Kepv triumphantly. A shout that echoed ominously across the barren frozen winter-land.

The Elves began sobbing, quietly. Kepv picked up the boy's icy body and grunted once again his pleasure. As Kepv raised the boy high into the air, the sun began to blaze. Hot! The icy tundra floor immediately began to get misty, covering the ground with a pure white fog. The fog wrapped itself around the dead trees like a cloak. It rose so much it covered even the Tallest Trvual! The boy’s body in Kepv's paws screamed as if still alive, "Take me!!!!!!!!" and burst into a cleansing flame, burning Kepv with fire a that seemed would never go out. Bluish-white and hotter than any flame produced by known Elf or Trvual. Fueled by an oily substance that had leaked unnoticed from the boy’s body it engulfed Kepv and burned him alive. Kepv screamed silently. The fog receded as The Trvual's and Elves could only stare at the huge pile of ash that had once been Kepvs' great form. From the ashes an egg was uncovered by a warm southern wind and in One Great Mighty Crack, it split itself a’ twain. Up flew a Phoenix. Golden as the purest sunlight. It flew round the now cowering Trvuals and from its beak out flew the Phoenix's' Flame engulfing the Great Trees in its holy Fire. The Trees burst apart spitting its' flaming torches of splinters into each and every Trvual. A deadly strike each one as the flaming splinters spread their Holy fire into the bodies of each Trvual and they too, followed in Kepv's light dying with flaming, silent bellows.

From each Great Pile of Ashes inside was found a Great Seed; that even now the Elves were digging into the rapidly melting ice-covered earth to plant.

The Prophecy had been fulfilled. The fifteen year old boy, Product of Rape, Fleet of Foot and Slow of Thought, had done his sacred duty. And so, in his honor, in the middle of the now once again Great Oaken Forest, lies a Golden Oak Tree at the base of which, is a block of ice that shall feed the Tree its' nourishment and within is encased "Y'etevons' Prayer."

2005-04-17T13:06:00.000-05:00